Photo: Courtesy Kim Bergman
Dr. Kim Bergmanis one of the foremost surrogacy experts whohas helped thousands of people become parents— includingAndy CohenandRyan Murphy— when they otherwise couldn’t. But it wasn’t a career that she ever expected to have.
Bergman is a psychologist, and in the mid 90s she had a busy practice with plenty to do. But she and her wife Natalie dreamed of starting a family.
“It was very unusual for LGBTQ people at the time, really at the time just LG people, to be having babies,” she tells PEOPLE. “No one really knew how to do it or what to do … I kind of consulted the so-called lesbian underground like, ‘What do you do? Who do you go to? Where do you get the sperm?’ ”
His friend was also looking to have a child, and asked Bergman to help.
“About two weeks later he called and asked me if I would really come on and commit time. I did and it was amazing,” she says. “It kind of exploded. This was in LA in the ’90s. Gay men just came out of the woodwork wanting to have babies.”
One of the many families Bergman has helped: single dad Alan with son Isaac and twins Natalie and Naomi.Courtesy Kim Bergman
Bergman, whose book about her career and her advice on assisted reproduction,Your Future Family, comes out May 1, now helps all kinds of people start their families — from LGBTQ hopeful parents to heterosexual couplesunable to carry their children. And she’s amazed at how much the donor and surrogacy world has changed since then.
Your Future Family, out May 1.Conari Press
Now, Bergman says, it’s becomefar more mainstream.
“LGBTQ people are now expecting a much more traditional trajectory for their lives,” she says. “When I first started doing this, the mean age of our clients, the gay men who wanted to have babies, they were typically in their late forties. They had come out, they had thought, ‘I’ll never have kids.’ They tamped down the whole idea they might have kids. But when you really, really want to be a parent it doesn’t go away no matter what you try to do to suppress it. Now I’m meeting with people who are 28 and expect to get married and have kids and just follow the path. That’s a big change.”
Another family of Bergman’s: Director Todd Holland and husband Scotch Ellis with their triplets.Courtesy Kim Bergman
Through 23 years of Growing Generations, they’ve helped 1,722 babies enter the world.
“I’m grateful every day to get to be a part of it,” Bergman says. “This week has been a delivery, meeting new intended parents, a match meeting between an intended parent and a surrogate. A new match. New confirmed heartbeats on a pregnancy. That’s my week.”
Another happy family: Olivia, Bill, John and Vivienne.Courtesy Kim Bergman
“The look on the parent’s faces is just magical,” she says. “It’s the love that you see in their eyes. They want these children so much. They go to so much effort, so many people are involved to help them, and when they meet their child for the first time it’s just absolute magic.”
And as the person who helps them become parents, Bergman’s inbox and Facebook feed are filled with smiling photos of the kids as they hit every milestone, from first birthdays to Halloween to the first day of school.
“You can imagine, the first day of school there’s just hundreds of my clients posting and I’m friends with them on Facebook,” she says. “I really do feel like this weird, cosmic grandma to all these kids.”
source: people.com
