Photo: Courtesy Dr. Britten Cole
Please welcome back celebrity bloggerDr. Britten Cole!
Dr. Cole, an anesthesiologist and mother of two, splits her time between Orlando, Florida, and Los Angeles, where she’s starring on the inaugural season ofMarried to Medicine: Los Angeles.Aside from appearing on the hit Bravo series’ new spin-off, sheis currently working on finding permanent medical employment on the west coast.
Before she became an anesthesiologist, Dr. Cole worked as an officer in the Navy alongside her best friend,Married to Medicine: AtlantastarDr. Contessa Metcalfe.
Dr. Cole and husband Mack Major share two children: Mack Jr., 7, and Ivy, 8. You can find her on Instagram@brittencolemd.
Dr. Britten Cole and daughter Ivy.
Dr. Britten Cole’s son Mack Jr.Courtesy Dr. Britten Cole
Disclaimer: According to theAmerican Academy of Pediatrics, corporal punishment should not be used as a method to discipline children. In aDecember 2018 advisory, the organization said that parents should “be encouraged” not to use spanking for punishments, with doctors noting that “there appears to be astrong association between spanking childrenand subsequent adverse outcomes.”
PEOPLE also spoke withDr. Robin Gurwitch, a psychologist and professor at Duke University Medical Center, in June about the effectiveness of corporal punishment — and she pointed out how “research over the past several decadesconfirms the negative effects of spanking, any corporal punishment and verbal shaming.”
Thedecision to spank your child isvery personal and controversial. Believe it or not, most Americans believe that children need a good ol’ spanking every now and again — and quite honestly, so do I. I think that when spankings are used in conjunction with other methods of discipline, within a foundation of a caring parent-child relationship, it can be an effective tool to alter behavior.
For example, when a very close friend of mine’s daughter was 5, she found it amusing to run away in a full sprint and would even run through intersections! When repeated scoldings, timeouts and conversations failed, a quick spanking immediately eliminated the dangerous behavior. Most children receive spankings between the ages of 2 and 7. This is a time where kids are learning to become independent and, as a result, push boundaries.
Dr. Britten Cole’s kids.Courtesy Dr. Britten Cole
In my experience, when logic and reason are not on the table and other means of discipline fail me, I have spanked my children’s bottoms. I found a few taps to the bottom grabbed their attention, stopped patterns of misbehavior and helped them to rethink and redirect their future actions.
Although I’m not opposed to a spank, there are some very important caveats that I had to keep in mind. I define a spanking as a few swats to the backside — no switches, belts or closed fists. Idon’t believe in hitting a child inthe face or genitals.
I created my own boundaries around spanking when a timeout or offering choices was not effective:
Dr. Britten Cole’s husband and child.Courtesy Dr. Britten Cole
RELATED VIDEO: A Show of Hands: Yes or No to Spanking Your Kids?
Admittedly, the last rule can be a bit difficult to follow at times. But it’s worth it to take a pause and tell your child, “Wait until we get home,” or, “Go to your room.” This can provide some emotional space between the misbehavior and the spanking, allowing for a reassessment of whether the spanking is still necessary. Again, you will lose it! When nothing seems to work,you might have to seek help. Look for professional advice — talk to a pediatrician or behavioral specialist for ways in which to discipline your child.
At this stage in my children’s lives, I don’t spank them. They are old enough to understand consequences and a conversation; more meaningful forms of discipline reign supreme. Taking away a cell phone, internet privileges or other favorites has proven to have major bargaining power to get them to participate in household chores.
Ican even give them “the look,” whichgarners the immediate effect of, “Don’t do that again.” It’s an effect that, in the past, a spanking could have: to stomp out repetitive defiant behavior.
Dr. Britten Cole’s daughter Ivy.Courtesy Dr. Britten Cole
More from Dr. Cole’s PEOPLE.com blog series:
I’ve found that spankings are useful at times, in certain situations and for specific children and parents. But no form of discipline is effective if the art of teaching the lesson behind the discipline isn’t there.
Parentingis an individual journey and, unfortunately, no pamphlet or rule book exists. If we parent with love, focus on being good role models and discipline in a meaningful way, hopefully we’ll all become better versions of ourselves.
Peace!
source: people.com
