CSI Cyberand the Juice Jacking Airplane Wi-Fi White Whale

I pride myself on being able to image out twists on web procedurals , but I go for this is the first and last time I have to typecast these objectively humbling line : CSI : Cyber really pulled the rug out from under me in tonight ’s episode ! I was genuinely surprise by what I perceived to be an unexpected twisting !

Before we get into how CSI : Cyber M.Night Shyamalad’ed me , let me specify the scene : Wi - Fi is down on aeroplane and everyone at the FBI ’s Cybercrimes Unit is FREAKING.THE.FUCK.OUT . agency more than they do when they find a body that ’s been cyber - murdered . I would describe the general conniption as a “ tizzy . ”

“ Should we call the president ? ” Nelson howls . They do not call the prexy , which is really too bad because I would be delighted to see who CBS would rove as Obama . ( Tim Meadows ? What ’s he up to these twenty-four hours ? )

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I was confused at this breaker point because basically every other fourth dimension I take United the Wi - Fi is inexplicably down . A Wi - Fi outage seems a little below the Cybercrime Division ’s remuneration scale leaf . Yet Special Agent Avery Ryan ( played , as always , by Oscar Winner ™ Patricia Arquette ) is spooky that this is the source of a horrifying interior security crisis .

The team suspect that a nefarious troupe of aeroplane passengers have coordinate to shut off the Wi - Fi , and somehow chop-chop trace the phones responsible for shutting down the Wi - Fi to a random variety of coach travelers , including a tike , a business noblewoman , and a ugly teen named Willa . ( I ’ll give them this , “ Willa ” is an A++++ name for a surly teen . )

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“ I was just listening to music and playing Dots , ” Willa say when they ask her what she did with her phone . Um , is this episode set in June 2013 ? ( That ’s a Dots burn . ) ( Dots is old . ) ( Not , like , quondam in human years , obviously , it ’s two , but it might as well be a grandad in app years and there ’s no way a coolheaded hip teen like Willa would play it , ok , Dots rant over . )

Her daddy is P.O.’d that his daughter is cuffed to a seat , but Willa just wants her dang headphone back . By making a clone of Willa ’s phone in a truly suspect amount of time , Krummy learn that her phone sent a denial - of - service attack to the aeroplane ’s Wi - Fi .

The rider ground in the airport due to cyber crime get identicalness - thefted all at once and commence fix delirious phone outcry to their banks to dispute purchase , conveniently exactly in our team ’s earreach .

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“ Averyyyyyyyyyy , what ’s hap ! ? ” Sifter shrieking from Skype , still incredibly incompetent at his job .

Avery explains that it appear that drudge borked the airplane Wi - Fi so that they could steal from the passengers on board , since they would n’t have a room to know until they landed . They initially infect the phones by turning a bill post into a form of malware statistical distribution center . CSI : Cyber assert this crime is call “ succus jacking . ”

It ’s like # HasJustineLandedYet but with steal mention bill alternatively of vaguely anti-Semite tweet .

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Sifter finds this architectural plan ~ingenious~. “ A plane is the one place where hoi polloi are held absorbed ! ” he yells , as though he has never heard of jails or prisons or when the coulomb train breaks down .

So the thieves manipulate this whole elaborate FAA security nightmare up so they ’d have a few 60 minutes ’ head begin on identity thefting multitude … which seems like a tidy sum of effort . We do n’t wonder for too long who ’s behind the overly detailed credit lineup skimming , however , because Krummy at once figure it out by glint at code . “ It ’s Lomas , ” he whisper . “ Every off-white in my dead body say I ’m correct . ”

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Lomas is an Estonian cyber-terrorist who Nelson has an admiration boner for and who Krummy has been obsessively chasing for nine years even though we ’ve only heard of him now and that seems like a jolly important character note to short usher in in the 9th sequence , but whatever .

“ That ’s his signature : A customs duty code that gains complete controller over the OS and suffocate its security features like a boa constrictor , ” Nelson says as they glance at Lomas ’ herculean malware .

The next fit is the great thus far in CSI : Cyber history because it involves somebody finally calling Sifter out for being a pile of crumpled , idle wet leaves in a soggy plastic handbag masquerade as a sentient human with a job . His boss comes in and yells at him for sucking . Sifter ’s apology for telling his boss absolutely nothing about his decision to labor 100 of aeroplane : “ Cybercrime strike fast , ” he order . “ Are you … remonstrate me ? ”

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Being that this is CSI : Cyber , things escalate cursorily from here : While they ’re at the airport yelling at everyone that the terminus is a law-breaking scene and that everyone who charge their telephone at the charge place needs to give up their phones as grounds , Avery and Mundo discover that the terminal is actually a offence panorama because there ’s a dead woman at a gate . It appears she has been equivocally straits - wound to death and made to look like she ’s take a snooze .

Then a lot of passengers jump produce ransomware notes , warning them to pay up before the hacker exposes hinder personal information . Never mind that it would probably take a long clip to figure out the estimable elbow room to extort thousands of people ! ( I estimate Sifter was correct about the whole cybercrime - move - libertine thing ? )

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Sifter is in the doggie house AGAIN because it turn out a senator was one of the ransomware aim , and she ’s pluck about political science documents getting print if she does n’t ante up . “ You know better than to keep sensitive government document on a personal speech sound , ” Sifter order , like he ’s never learn of Hillary Rodham Clinton . But Sifter is somehow right again because it turns out the Senator is worried about getting pressure for something else .

The gang trace the “ succus jacking ” ( ugh ) box installed at the charge station to a pack of three improbably attractive young hackers , one of whom has already practice a crime upon my heart by having a aphrodisiacal man roll . They arrest them , but it turn out they were just take fiat from Lomas .

There ’s a really weird non - explanation about how they unintentionally murder the noblewoman but I ca n’t babble about them any longer because I need to tell you about the twist in this episode immediately or my learning ability might burst .

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The wrench is … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .. that LOMAS is in reality the SURLY TEEN , Willa ( who apparently started gaining a name for herself as a black hat hacker at years seven ) .

I know ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Willa is a babe sociopath just doing it for the lulz , so she ends up discover the senator ’s dirt ( she is a Secret Lesbian ) before Krummy see out who it is .

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Willa literally could not deal less . Willa just wants to watch the earthly concern burn . Willa may or may not be a fictional manifestation of my relationship to this television program .

They end up not being able to file Willa because of her age , and Avery yells at Krummy for resorting to pitch-black chapeau method to catch her . It ’s kind of a dark conclusion , with Krummy sullenly type and reflecting on getting pwned severely by a TEEN .

In that way it is appropriate , because I am currently sit her dourly typecast and reflect about how I got pwned HARD by a NARRATIVE TELEVISION PROGRAM .

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