There ’s nothing better than a dear Stephen King miniseries . “ The Reaper ” introduction from The Stand and the evil clown from It are far-famed lighthouse of classic King TV . Sadly , Pierce Brosnan ’s epic encounter with a tree in Bag Of Bones , airing this Sunday and Monday , is not quite in the same league .
All newspaper headline zingers apart , Bag Of Bones could have been a passably fun piece of horror entertainment — but alternatively it ’s weight down by its own dramatis personae of type who have dead nothing to do with anything at all . Spoilers ahead …
Speckled Fox Pierce Brosnan bet the part of devoted husband and literary hotshot Mike Noonan . We first meet Noonan finishing his next blockbuster novel . Like a hungry drink , Noonan stands over his dear married woman ( Annabeth Gish ) fluffing his feathers and smack at her brass . She ’s been summoned to his side to typecast out the very last sentence of his novel . She asks Noonan why he always want her to indite the last line of his Holy Scripture ? “ Because these books , all of these books , he could n’t write them without her . ” So yeah , it ’s that kind of picture show .
Fast forward many moons , and poor Jo is run down by a bus decently outside Noonan ’s bestseller book signing . And if that was n’t commodious enough for you she ’s clutching a pregnancy test . Yada yada yada Pierce Brosnan makes a fortune of mad “ Oh Noooooo ” face up .
With his wife dead , Noonan is alone and miserable . His only solace : an ipad which he mashes against his high cheekbones , while figure of his beloved scroll across . Brosnan does a pretty in force job being a miserable so - and - so … until he begin suspect that his married woman was betray on him ( because they could n’t get pregnant . ) And that ’s a game line which pass utterly nowhere .
But for the most part ( or at least the first half of the serial publication ) the misery is there and it ’s a unattackable narrative thread . Soon enough , his wife starts communicating with Noonan via phone rings and bell ting , “ Once for Yes twice for no . ” After some back - and - forth ghostly give-and-take and a few creepy nightmare Noonan heads to their cabin on Dark Score Lake . think this is where his stagnant wife wants him to go , and that the cabin might help disembarrass him of his intense writer ’s block . unhappily the author ’s closure misery portal in the original Word of God is particularly difficult to show on screen ( which is understandable , since it ’s a extremely internalized notion ) . However we are a bit sad that most of this shame spiral and ego - abhor brain banging was cut from the miniseries . Ah well — more fourth dimension for ghost .
While exist at Dark Score , Lake Noonan immediately picks up with a single mamma and starts bug the town to find out if his married woman was cheating on him . Meanwhile the shade of his married woman keeps reaching out to Noonan about the devious deeds that happen on Dark Score Lake a long clock time ago . Noonan is hot on the trail of an previous timey slaying , which reveals the secret behind Dark Score Lake — and which has perfectly nothing to do with his wife at all ( besides the fact that she knew about it ) . Enter the residue of the random townsfolk , include the vicious human ever to evil a wheelchair . And his farcical counterpart , Natasha from Bullwinkle . Character after lineament is exhibit and executed across the screen , in attempt to build play around the arcanum of Dark Score Lake and its problem with drown small girls . Alas there are too many masses , and not enough aroused attachment to heighten the final reveal . And it just coil totally out of control from there .
The Good
First tangency : The first couple metre Noonan ’s wife Jo reaches out from the slap-up beyond gave us goose bump . What could have been an exceptionally cheesy moment ( Jo contacts him via electric refrigerator magnets ) is actually moderately spooky when paired with the scratch , scratch , scratching interference each movement made . The first 30 minutes of ghostlike bodily function are all moderately chilling .
Anika Noni Rose : She ’s a ghost with a dark yesteryear . Anika Noni Rose plays Sara Tidwell a singer from years run by , her face and euphony stamping ground Noonan ’s dreams every night . Thankfully she ’s an amazing singer . Casting this songstress was a expectant winnings for Bag of Bones . If we ’re going to have to hear to the warbles of an old ghost , we ’re glad they sound this goodness .
Pierce Brosnan perplex someone to demise with a kitchen mallet . No , seriously — he chases this cat out of the kitchen and just beat the shit out of him with the meat - tenderizing mallet . It was awesome .
The Bad
Too many multitude , too small chemistry : fair sex are being throw away at woman at Noonan left and veracious . The character Mattie and Noonan begin a human relationship almost like a shot after fulfill one another . It ’s too soon , why does he even like this cleaning woman , his wife just die ? Random old white men bolt up screen door time with little to no account as to who they are or why they are important . Then these previous clean men are even yield voluminous flashback time , but we have n’t a blinking clue as to who these people are ? Everyone see the same and no one especially stand out besides the drumhead honcho villain . So when Noonan take up getting attacked by say old whitened men it ’s absolutely maddening to try out and remember who these masses are and why they ’re all so pissed .
Too Many question : The miniseries assay to hoodwink entirely too many questions . Here are just a few : Why was his married woman meaning ? Was she cheating on him ? Why is the “ Green Lady ” Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree outdoors of the lake shaped so much like a woman ? What is the curse of Dark Score Lake ? Why is Pierce ’s brother American ? Why is the “ trunk Holy Scripture ” so important to Noonan ? If he has a book already done , why is he writing another and freak out about the deadline ? Who are all the dead kids ? Why did the principal villain exit the way he did ? What sort of power is controlling the townsfolk of Dark Score Lake ? What happened to Sara Tidwell ?
repeating : reduplicate “ with custody comes responsibility ” may have worked in writing , but when characters just start chatter off nonsensical smashed time , the impact is fairly much void . This happens quite a bit throughout most of the miniseries .
Cartoony Villains : Oh boy . Look , King is a master at creating amazing villains . There is no soul too rotten , or action too terrible for a King initiation . Sadly , Max Devore is less of an malign human being and more of a smile long - toothed raptor , menacingly rubbing its tiny claws together . There ’s one scene where his sidekick , the evil white lady , in reality start throwing rock candy at Noonan ’s head . rock . They belonged in the council chamber of the Muppet Movie , not a movie about drown shaver .
Pierce Brosnan push a tree .
Summing Up
If you enjoyed , the Bible you may be able-bodied to get by on the mention alone — but if you ’re expect for a frightening flavour inside the alarm humanity of author ’s auction block , you should pass . The gawky ending and random bag of part consider down this miniseries ( which may not be completely the fault of the goggle box movie creators , since they did n’t write the ending ) . If you savor King translation with a good for you portion of nacho Malva sylvestris , this is the series for you .
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